The first

So i don't know if anyone but me will ever read this but it makes me feel better to send it out there into cyberspace like a modern message in a bottle, get everything that's in my head out.


I'm not going to put my story down right now because I'm just not ready but the title says it all, i was raped. It happened 6 months ago this Monday. In the last 6 months I have gone through hell, I've gone from shock to wanting to die to feeling the worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life, i didn't think emotional pain could hurt this bad. I had to give statements to police, get examined, go to counselling, have pictures of my naked body taken. I'm still waiting to find out if he will be prosecuted or not. I'm in limbo. 


One of the hardest things was not knowing what was ahead, whatever feeling you felt you weren't prepared for and everyday was worse than the one before. I mean I was fine before this, I was happy and content, i had a job i loved, a loving family and amazing friends. And in the space of 2 hours my whole world was turned upside down and inside out and i am really struggling to put it the right way around.


I would trawl through the Internet looking at other blogs or rape survivor stories to see if it would help me make sense of how I was feeling but sure nothing can do that. I still can't believe it's happened, I can't believe that I encountered someone who had such little regard for another person, when I looked into his eyes begging him to stop i couldn't see any soul there. Life is very very hard at the moment, there are no words to describe it. I'm broken and I don't know if I can ever be fixed.