I got the letter today from the DPP with the response from my appeal at their decision not to prosecute my rapist. Yes my RAPIST, he f'ing RAPED me and he gets away with it. That's it now it's final. There's nothing more I can do to get justice for what he did to me. For all the things he did to me during those two hours. It just baffles me, from the evidence we had you would all but need a video recording of what happened. What was in his statement that was so convincing? His only defence was drink, I mean please are you serious? Alcohol doesn't turn you into a violent rapist. I have no idea what to do now or where to turn, there is nothing left only me and my thoughts and my nightmares and my pain oh and lets not forget the fear, that's the big one, that's the paralising thing, that's what makes you want to run away and hide from the world. Fear.
I had plans with my friends this evening, don't think I'm much company. Think I'll go back to the safety of my bed and not get out of it for a while. I'm tired of it all, tired of fighting to get my life back, tired of trying to not let the fear overcome me, tired of not letting the pain get me down. Tired of trying not to be a victim but I am. That's what I am. I'm not me anymore I'm his victim. He won - again.
So sorry for your pain. I hope you can find some peace after the shock has subsided.
ReplyDeleteKeep talking, many of us are listening.
#we refuse to be silent.
@sheepfoldcarer
Sheepfoldcarer is right. We are listening. And right now, we are holding a safe place for you to be right where you are.
ReplyDeleteWhen you are ready. . . to share, talk, write, check in with someone who cares, we are here.
♥(((HUGS)))
I know the injustice of this is maddening, confusing and hurtful. He has not won. You are here and you are the voice of so many others just like you who have had to endure this pain. We are here listening.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for your comments. I'm not coping to well. I'm tired of waiting for things to get better. It would be easier to just give up and give in to it.
ReplyDeleteTears welled up in my eyes as i read this. I wish i could have cried properly but i haven't cried in a while :-(
ReplyDeleteI read this with such shock and disbelief. How this happens in this modern day world i have no idea! and the truly shocking thing is....this happens to 94% of people who report!!! I think thats why i find it so hard to believe and accept, because it truly is unbelievable. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry i am, the words are not enough.
Right now in this moment, he has won, you are his victim. I feel i can say this because i am in the same situation as you and i know how this feels. But i have to believe he has NOT won forever, you will NOT be his victim forever. You might not realise it but you have already begun to take back what he took from you. Bit by bit, piece by piece you WILL claim it all back! You will find yourself again, you will be strong, you ARE a survivor. You may not have justice from your country but you will have justice in life. You will take it all back, no longer be his victim but a survivor, you will find yourself again, you will be a strong person, you will continue helping others like you are now and with all that.....you will win!! and have a fantastic happy life which you fully deserve! How easy would it be to give up and end it all, but your not, you are still here and breathing. Because of all of this you will win.
Please when you get desperate...hold onto that thought!
xx
P.S - So sorry this comment is ridiculously long and i no doubt babbled on about nothing lol sorry, you know what im like :-P
I was raped not even a month ago.
ReplyDeleteI was walking back from Crown Casino in Melbourne and met this guy, he came up to my hotel room, i decided then not to have sex with him, he threw me on the bed and made me.
I finally got him off me and ran out crying, the police were called, i had a medical and made a statement, they still havent gotten a statement off my friends, and he told the police it was consentual. Im so scared he may get off. He raped me, i dont want him getting away with it, he has a 6 month pregnant gf at home, who rapes someone when you have a pregnant girlfriend? I dont want him to get away with what he did, it will give me no closure and show men its okay to rape, you will get away with it.
Im so glad you made your blog! I started mine 6 days after my rape.
I had to make it private as the police told me to, as if it goes to court and he gets hold of it, it couldnt be used against me. Feel free to add me on it and ill accept :)
http://myrapestory1.blogspot.com.au
:)
http://myrapestory1.blogspot.com.au/
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