It really happened

I had therapy today and we read through the letter that I wrote to my rapist. It's not something I would ever send him, not this draft anyway! I couldn't read it out so my T did. I couldn't believe the words she was reading were my words. I mean this really happened, it's not a bad dream. He really did this to me. I was raped. Me. Raped. I was. I really was and there's no way I can wipe it away. The day won't come where it will be ok because it's not ok. The day will come when I will be ok though. After almost 11 months only now I am starting to connect that this really happened and nothing I do will make it go away. It really happened. I mean it really happened. I've really been through so much and I'm still standing. I'm wounded and I'm crying but I'm still here, but it did really happen and nothing will change that. It's awful.