Tomorrow is 3 years since it happened.
I have come so far and have my life back, I have a wonderful fiance and the most beautiful baby boy however unfortunately I find that tonight I'm fighting a panic attack. I haven't needed to write in a long time but tonight I can't sleep and writing always helps me get everything out of my head. It reminds me that I'll always be living with this. At least now though I can live with it and I can honestly say I am a stronger person now. I also have an appreciation for what's important and most of all I have this beautiful little boy who I love more than I could ever explain so go away panic attack your not welcome in my head. I an surviving and thriving!
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
3 Years On
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hi
ReplyDeletereading your blog
just want to tell you
that you are a strong woman
God bless you
https://www.youcaring.com/other/donations-for-survivor-to-pay-for-bail-and-lawyer/256280
Deletehttp://www.thepetitionsite.com/797/703/150/sign-petition-to-get-district-attorney-to-locate-outstanding-warrant-quash-drop-charges/
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/633/122/628/petition-md-da-to-file-rape-charges/Theses are sites that have a petition to put rapists away in jail which signing can be empowering other petitions are to help survivors of rape out of legal trouble and a donation site to help with lawyer's expenses and bail.
Breaking the silence is great. It shows over survivors they're not alone while really showing yourself you have nothing to be ashamed of. It's your attacker who should be ashamed.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being vulnerable and showing others that healing is possible.
I'm working on a project that will help survivors navigate through the system in the aftermath. I'd love to talk to you about writing a guest blog post. I'm just building up my own blog at http://whattodowhenraped.blogspot.com/. If you're interested, please e-mail swimmingupstreamblogging@gmail.com.
I was raped in high school, I was a senior in 1976. I never talk about it to anyone. The reason why is when I told my best friend she said it was my fault because I had too much to drink and passed out. My senior year in high school was the worst experience for me because I had to put up with gossip and stares from fellow students.....all who thought I was an easy lay. Before I was raped I was a virgin, the boy that raped me seemed to be enjoying spreading what happened at a party....all around at school. My best friend and her sister from H.S. are on my facebook and they are both friends with my rapist.
ReplyDeleteI was raped almost 11 months ago. It was technically my "first time" and it happened just 2 months into my freshman year of college. Knowing that my virginity was taken from my rapist makes me so angry. I can relate to you 100% I thought I was a freak or a weak person for not being able to just move on and be happy but the second I take 2 step forward I jump back 10 steps. Reading your blog knowing that you have found love and happiness in your life gives me hope with mine. You are helping me stay strong and I just want to thank you for sharing your story. I'm terrified to wake up on the anniversary of my rape I get panic attacks thinking about him or thinking I might come in contact with him again. I don't know how I'm going to take it. I work with my happiness and self esteem daily. There is no feeling like being raped or sexual assault. How it leaves you as a human being is in-explainable. I wonder if I will get my chance at a happy life like other friends and family members of mine. I think I deserve it but then again I don't understand why I was raped. It has made me stronger however, emotionally I'm still weak and have my ups and downs. Like you said it's a daily struggle and I can't wait for the day that it will just be something that happened to me and not something that is so present in my every day life. I just pray to God for strength,happiness, and a man who will love me and understand what I've been through and respect and honor me.
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your story, having come upon it by chance. Well, maybe it's not chance. I respect your courage and strength and fortitude. I was gang raped when I was a teenager many years ago, and that was followed by a rape by another man a few years later. I have pushed much of those two experiences aside in an attempt to move forward in my life. I did not receive the help I needed at the proper time, so I want to encourage anyone who might read this and who has suffered -- or is a friend to a survivor -- to find a supportive ear and strong shoulder. Unfortunately, we cannot skip stages of recovery, but we can delay them. The sooner we can manage through the pain and injury, the more easily we can move forward a build a life that accepts what has happened without it directing our future. All of life's blessings to you as you courageously move forward!
ReplyDeleteI just discovered your blog. Bless you. You have given me some hope that this will get better. I was locked in a bathroom, threatened, hurt and raped by my friend's "handyman" last Thursday night. I reported it Friday morning. What a joke. Aside from waiting til morning to go to the sheriffs I tried to do what I could to save evidence and dna. I turned over my clothes went to the hospital,was photographed more times then I want to remember, questioned and questioned again, "was I drunk, was I on drugs, was I under mental care" etc. I think you get the idea. I knew this "man" slightly, we barely spoke and when we did he was always rude and crude. The Sheriffs did arrest him (they found meth and a drug pipe in a drawer during the arrest.) He spent 4 days in jail until the DA refused to prosecute him. Why? "man" claims that I told him I'd give a BJ etc for $20 and that he paid me only a folded up $5. He told them that I only called the cops after I realized I had been gyped by him. This creep has a long felony record (the sheriff's wouldn't say for what) and nearly everyone who lives near my friend has been bullied by him. When I asked the Sheriff's for more details they told me I had no right to know as he was entitled to his privacy! Now I have to get checked for STDs, obtain restraining orders, deal with the other results of the attack and the stress and wonder if this "man" is going to show up at my door someday. My friend, of course, no longer deals with this man and since he was apparently sleeping in her storeroom I have been told that until he can be served with the RO it is useless. I feel like I was raped twice. I feel like I have been transported back to the 1960's. I wonder how many "men" have used this excuse and merely walked away. The moral is good luck if you live in Paramount and if you run into a white 50 yr named bart run like hell. He got time served for the Meth. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.
ReplyDeleteWow, Anonymous; I'm absolutely heart-sick over your story. I cannot believe what I've just read ... simply beyond comprehension. Please know that I am going to pray for you - sounds trite, I know - but it also sounds as if you need a little divine intervention. This freak is dangerous and should be removed from society to ensure everyone's safety ... especially yours. I absolutely understand your fear of him. Stay strong & take care of YOU. Don't let him have even one more of your precious tears in the meantime.
DeleteYou are an inspiration. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHey
ReplyDeleteI have just started my blog writing about the story of my life i would love for you to all read & follow it
I'm 18 and I experienced Physical, emotional, mental, sexual abuse and Obesity at a young age, I'm starting to write a blog sharing my story and i would really appreciate it if you could spread the link for me please, I hope to inspire other abused victims to open up and share there story to the world and let them know that there are others just like them and they're not alone.
http://agirldearfriend.blogspot.co.uk/
Dear Friend, I write a blog as well for sexual assault awareness. I would love to share your story on my blog if that is ok. I will also post your blog site for you so we can get your story out there. www.breakingmysilence4healing.blogspot.com
Deletemy survivor blog is www.support4survivors.blogspot.com
DeleteDear friend,
ReplyDeleteI've just come upon your blog and I am touched. Thank you so much for sharing your story with the world. I too, am a survivor of rape and I know exactly what your going through because I have myself.
Please know that you are not alone and you will get better. The mere fact that you are here in this world and writing down your feelings is proof enough. Keep it up.
Also, I am creating a concert here in the States that is designed to get men be a part of the solution, instead of the problem. Please check out my blog & website.
You and I can change the world. I truly believe that.
Take care,
Janis
http://janishillard.blogspot.com
www.edipus.org
I just found your blog. Im just start this whole thing out. I know what the panic attacks are like.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading through your writing and hope you would support me as well.
http://trauma6685.blogspot.com/
Hi, I am Nicole all the way in Africa, Botswana
ReplyDeleteI am humbled to have come across a brave woman like you sharing her story, i was a victim to this atrocious act child abuse, i was molested by my uncle,i was 3 years old i am now 20 years old and today i write to tell every girl and woman that they are still beautiful.
http://icolesiya.blogspot.com/
looking forward to reaching out to wounded hearts with you. it brings such motivation to know that i am not the only one with this dream,the dream to help others speak out.
Stay blessed!
May God Bless you and stay strong while rape goes on all over this world healing does also and that reaches farther.
DeleteI am truly greatful to have stumbled across your blog. I think it is amazing that you have began writing i completely understand how alone and betrayed by the justice system and your perpetrator and how it constantly swims round in your mind.
ReplyDeleteIt is SO warming to not feel alone and thankyou for giving me something i can read and relate to the pain and struggle and to give me hope from a survivor.
I am just at the begining of my journey and this blog has given me something to read for the days where i feel hopeless about getting better. Your raw account has given me chance to not fear the bad days as much but to just take each day as it comes.
You are an amazing person, i don't know who you are but i send my best wishes for your new life full of positivity and happiness.
I know you have probably heard this several times from several people but I wanted to commend you for your bravery in dealing with this. I can not even begin to express the amount of respect and admiration I have for you and your amazing amount of courage. Though I say this from a naieve academic perspective, I understand that breaking the silence is difficult and paramount towards the healing process. Rape is never ok. We have been studying rape in my violence against women class at school and I have recently learned that silence is one of the biggest issues. So many people never come forward with their cases because they cant bear the pressure of accepting that this aweful atrocity was committed against them. We also learned that silence protects no one but the assailant. You are an inspiration to so many around you and one day I hope to have the privilege of helping victims of rape as a medical professional. The stories of the women who have endured acts like this inspire me to help in anyway that I can and have left a lasting impression. Thank you so much for your courage in sharing your experiences and I hope you have a blessed future.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteHi
ReplyDeleteyour posts really meant a lot to me thank you. i wish i could figure out how to contact you directly but im not quite sure how.
i was recently (about a week ago) uhm..well as you had put it ..."something happened" to me in Ireland coincidentally and i am from the U.S.
i went on a vacation and ended up having one of the most terrifying experiences from a police officer there. its taking a huge toll on my life and im amazed i found this blog and would love to hear from you
if there is anyway i can email you somehow from here that would be really awesome. thank you for sharing your story, i REALLY understand how difficult that is its terrible and youve done what seems to be the impossible for me.
thank you
I am so sorry that I didn't see this when you posted it, and I am so sorry for what you have been through. I took a step away from my blog to try and put my life back together. If you ever did want to email be id be happy to privately send you my contact information x
Deletehow much did u cum wen he raped u? u can say u don't want it but u know it was the best orgasm u ever had
ReplyDeleteHi, Like many others that have commented, I must also commend you on your bravery. I also understand how beneficial it can be to write down how you're feeling and what has happened, I was raped and sexually abused when I was 13 and 14 years old. I am currently running a petition to make Rape and Sexual Abuse Awareness mandatory in the education system - I hope this will give you hope and be something of interest to you - http://chn.ge/1hAxDyC
ReplyDeleteI wish you all the best,
Amy
Hello everyone! I just found this blog, i think is amazing wish i've read it years ago, is so inspiring. My name is Irene Rodriguez, i'm from Mexico and i'm the founder of an NGO to help women who suffered rape called ZAAFIRO A.C. here in Mexico.
ReplyDeleteLike you i'm a survivor who is trying to help trough my testimony and create awareness on this subject. In Mexico rape is not talked or exposed in any way, there are not crisis centers, campaigns, the government have terrible programs and personally i've been in so many therapies and not even one person had the experience to had deal with a rape victim before me, and ironically every 15 seconds a woman is attacked, every 9 minutes is sexually abused and in 1 of every 3 homes have been emotional abuse, intimidated, physical and sexually abused. Where a little more than 20% of Mexicans believe that sometimes it is justifiable for a man to beat his wife.
I'm trying to make a documental of rape survivors around the world, to talk about how it is to be a survivor, give hope and encourage others to not lose faith, only we survivors can understand each other but only us can cheer up one another, because we know how this is like.
This project will start next month in Ireland and i'll be moving around filming and making this video of Worldwide Support for Survivors, with the opinion of experts in the subject and more important the survivors testimony. If you wish to participate let me know and i can go wherever you are. Thank you for your time reading this, my email is: fundacionirenerodriguez@gmail.com
Irene V. Rodriguez Pamanes
Founder and Director of ZAAFIRO
Zona de Apoyo y Ayuda Fundación Irene Rodriguez A.C.
San Pedro Garza GarcÃa, Nuevo León, México
Tel: +528119697069
Cel: +5218110502089
www.zaafiro.com
Thank you for sharing with me. I know how tough it is dealing with it years later and having a husband (unhappily married) and 2 kids. i was raped 8 yrs ago and it still is really hard at times.
ReplyDeleteFeel free to follow my survivors blog which i included with my name. Sometimes it's what is needed to heal years later, interacting with other survivors
Very great post. I simply stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your weblog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing on your feed and I am hoping you write again very soon!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeletedear Lizzie31_7,
ReplyDeleteyOU ARE A VERY STRONG WOMEN. iAM SAYING THIS BECAUSE RAPE IS A CRIME WHICH NOT ONLY AFFECTS ONE PHYSICALLY BUT ALSO AFFECTS THE SOUL to the hilt .Rape is the most abhorrent crime that one can ever commit. Have belief in the almighty and he will give you even more strength.
Writing has saved my peace of mind but I also believe Christ is in it with me. If you want I have a blog on PTSD and God http://healingtakesalifetime.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteCome join me. Also helps to acknowledge the pain is real and them more you express i=t the less you hold on to.
Hi I am a Christian and love Jesus but also am experiencing mental health issues from rape. I would love any support you can give!
DeleteMessofthoughtsblog@wordpress.com
How do you report someone on this site? DIgusting a**hole!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteLife by its self humbles u, hardship and religion, ... U better hope u never get rape.... Dealing with ptsd... Depression. Suicidal thought, horrible anxiety. Idk y u are angry but I hope u can fix it... Only person a woman should HAVE to satisfy sexually is her husband...
Deletedress like a whore = get fucked like a whore
DeleteI recently had my 3 year mark of losing my virginty to a gang rape. It took me a long time to be able to open up about it and even now, it's not the easiet to talk about. Luckily, the nightmares have subsided quite a bit, so that's progress. It's insane to see how many other people have gone through such experiences. I just want to say congrats on making it through and having the strength to talk about yourself being a survivor.
ReplyDeleteI feel like when you've been through something like this, telling your story helps incredibly.
Those of you who aren't sure if you feel you can tell your story, feel free to read mine.
Hi!
DeleteI am so encouraged by your story and strength. I just started a blog after being encouraged by your openness and the openness of others. I would appreciate any support and/advice you can give me!
Messofthoughtsblog@wordpress.com
To read your full article I can say," You are really a strong woman". Forgot everything and enjoy your life. And I would like to tell you guy's,"we launch a new social media website called www.zoglli.com . If we make a community here we can stop sexual harassment,rape, bullying, and all forms of violence.So, please join with us together we can be strong !"
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.powerpoetry.org/poems/not-where-i-use-be
ReplyDeletereally shy about this but ... one day i want to be a motivational speaker so... yea ....here goes nothing.... feel free to share
You're an inspiration.
ReplyDeletehttp://overcomingmypastj.blogspot.com
Hi! I know it has been a long time since you wrote this blog article but I just wanted to say I am so encouraged by it. I went searching online for people who have been what I have been through and I am glad I found this! It has inspired me to put all my thoughts on to "paper" in cyberspace too as I haven't done anything like this before and it is making me feel a little better. But saying this I also feel like I am drowning so I would love if you or anyone who sees this could give me some advice they have found helpful. Any support would mean the world to me.
ReplyDeleteI would love to hear from you or any one.
Messofthoughtsblog@wordpress.com
That is an extremely smart written article. I will be sure to bookmark it and return to learn extra of your useful information. Thank you for the post. I will certainly return.
ReplyDeleteHi
ReplyDeleteNot really sure how to start this, but I feel like I need to let this out to people who understand. It's so hard for people who have not experienced rape to relate to your pain. It's been 12 years since it happened, and I am still suffering every day. I have depression, anxiety and OCD. I am on antidepressants AGAIN but still self medicate with codeine, Valium, sleeping pills etc. I can't get through a day without taking something to numb my mind. I often feel suicidal and after so many years I don't think it's ever going to stop. Nothing seems to help except taking pills.
Above article is really talk about social awareness about rape victims.Thank for sharing your opinion for her life.
ReplyDeleteYo, What the fuck? A white man fucking kills a women in an extremely punishing way, (very sick and sadistic) and THEN rapes her? WTF!!?!?!?
ReplyDeleteYo, I thought I was bad...You ain't see shit till you see this shit...OMFG!
Pray for that woman yo!
http://www.mediafire.com/file/sernamfq0m3ta2v/Extreme-R%2Ap%2A-Murder-Video.zip/file
Password: rmv
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