Saturday, April 16, 2016

It's been a long time

It's been a long time since I've posted anything.  I have a three year old son now who is amazing! The reason I'm posting is that I've always looked at this blog as part of my therapy,  a form of healing.  I have been doing overall ok the last few years.  I suffer from anxiety still but I can manage it well enough. But lately something has changed,  I haven't been able to get a handle on her panic and anxiety.  All of a sudden I'm having away nightmares again and I constantly have that feeling of panic and tension which I haven't felt this strongly in years.  The only thing I figure is that I went back to study and was doing amazing there,  I loved it but due to cutbacks the childcare was closed down suddenly and I can no longer continue my studies.  It was very sudden and really unfair on everyone affected.  Anyway I feel like the rug was pulled from under me and it seems to have kickstarted this reaction from me.  At this stage I think the thing that started it seems to have passed but I'm still hanging on to the feelings and the panic is getting worse.  It's very frustrating,  I can't seem to switch it off!!

14 comments:

  1. I Recently wrote a piece that i hope allows you to find peace, I am a spoken word artist and i find your strength and courage inspirational. https://soundcloud.com/freespirit_ekundayo/i-am-fear

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  2. I Recently wrote a piece that i hope allows you to find peace, I am a spoken word artist and i find your strength and courage inspirational. https://soundcloud.com/freespirit_ekundayo/i-am-fear

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi, I have just come to the internet and found your blog. I was raped in Dec 2009 and am also in a similar position where I feel that I am somehow relapsing after seemingly 'getting through' the most awful and difficult time of my life. I suppose we are going to encounter these triggers to our trauma, which makes it sound simple, I know.. but it isn't. Not really sure what to say as at the moment I have no answers but I felt like I wanted to reach out & make contact. Hopefully you'll see this message (I've never replied to a blog before) and know that you are not alone in the world. Thank you for your blog. It has helped me reading it at this moment in time. Sending love and thoughts to you, wherever you are.

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  4. I was raped October 2015, and I still feel the way you do. Today, somebody made a joke about rape, and I got really upset. This is not something to joke about. It affects so many lives. It is an ongoing struggle to get through rape. I am here as many others are as well. Stay strong!

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  5. I was raped in 2009 and despite thinking that I was completely over it, there are times were I start feeling anxious and the nightmares start all over again. Part of me considers that perhaps I didn't get enough counselling but I feel like enough time has passed that I should be over it. The truth is that no matter how long ago it happened, it will always affect us and come back to haunt us. We will always be sensitive around this topic and sometimes trying to be brave and talk openly about it will still reduce us to tears, even after years have gone by. There will always be times in our lives where things are tough and we get triggered back to that point in our lives and the recovery we needed to follow as well as the fallout thereafter. It's tough to know that my perpetrators were never found and I will never feel closure because they are still out there somewhere. I am thankful to be hiv negative and count my blessings every day but it's tough to ignore the external and internal scars. Since the incident I have been able to move on and have the most amazing boyfriend, I just wish this never affected me anymore.

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    1. im glad slut take it upthe ass while u sleep

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  6. I was raped at age 7 by my Vietnam Vet father and just found out this month he died in 2014. What a relief.

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  7. I was raped January 1st 2010. And I have only just started therapy after having a major panic attack/mental breakdown surrounding one of the caes in the media (in June). I am married and have two beautiful children, and also thought I was doing just fine. I have always trivialized what I went through, and still do to this very second. I don't ever want anyone to look at me and say that I am a rape victim or survivor. I hate those words. I would go with victim over survivor, but I hate it. I feel like by telling people, I am branded. But, simultaneously, I HAVE to tell people. I HAVE to get it out. I absolutely have to. It is such a difficult thing to reconcile. Thank you for putting your story out there and maybe eventually I will have the strength to do the same.

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    1. I am glad you got raped. Women need to concentrate on sucking the dick and letting men suck the titty.If I could tie you up and make you breast feed me I would. RAPE FOR LIFE. MALE RIGHTS! LEGALIZE RAPE 2016!!!

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    2. wooo!!! glad to see a man standin up against bitches be hhating, YALL BE HARLOTS,philosophy of rape bitches lemme suck the tits

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  8. I am so glad you were raped Lizzie. You have given so many men something new to masterbate to. Bravo!

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    1. liz if i put my nutz in yo mouth would you cancer check them wit yo tongue?

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  9. Hun, when you read this, please remove the selfish comments being left.
    I want to reach out to you to ask you and other survivors about how they feel about the support that is available around them? About 8 years ago I wanted to form a kind of support/motivation group for other survivors as a way to connect in a positive way, but I was so put off that I never went ahead with it and have since moved on on my own to the point that I can't remember the last time I had a flashback. I wonder if I am so disconnected that I wouldn't be able to relate to anyone anymore or help them. I've tried contacting the local rape crisis centre near me to see if they would be interested in forming a positive support/activities/befriending group...but after 2 weeks I've heard nothing from them and doubt I will do. Is this something other survivors would be interested in? - a way of meeting others who share a horrible experience, but without talking about it, rather to learn something new, or to socialise with others who naturally understand you?

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  10. EAST LONGMEADOW, MA (WGGB/WSHM) - There is shocking news coming out against the Kumon Franchise owner of a Kumon Math & Reading tutoring center who is now facing charges of sexual assault and rape.

    Kumon franchise owner Jimmy Chang, 32, of East Longmeadow was arrested in Manchester, CT. He is facing 12 counts of second degree sexual assault of minors.

    Back in March, the 17-year-old victim went to the Manchester, CT police department and said Chang allegedly manipulated her into a long-term sexual relationship.

    The victim reportedly told police that from 2012 to 2014, Chang would pick her up from her school or home to perform sexual favors.

    The teenager also said that at times, Chang would have her meet him at his Kumon learning center - Kumon Math and Reading Center in Longmeadow - where he would provide alcohol to her prior to sex.

    Besides being a Kumon instructor, Chang is also a youth pastor at a church in Agawam, which he and the victim both attended.

    The girl said Kumon franchisee Chang would allegedly ask her to dress like a "school girl" and meet him at that church where other sexual encounters would occur.

    According to court documents, the victim told Chang that she "wanted to wait - to save my virginity [..] as a Christian you are supposed to save your virginity. He responded 'do you really want to?'"

    During his arrest, Chang reportedly told police, "I realized I messed up." As a Kumon instructor he admitted to have taken advantage of his role at the Kumon Math & Reading center a.k.a Kumon learning center, and committed sexual crimes against the Kumon student.

    Chang appeared in court in Connecticut Tuesday where he was bonded out of jail.

    The victim's identity is not being released.

    For more details see: http://www.westernmassnews.com/story/29718919/east-longmeadow-man-arrested-on-sexual-assault-charges-in-ct

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