I've had a very emotional day today. For some reason I just keep crying and I don't know why. I suppose I'm glad I am emotional because I haven't been able to for the last 7 months so it feels like a bit of a relief. I'm sad for the little girl in me who grew up disliking herself so much that she needed to be flattered by a guys attention. I'm sad that it led me to being raped. I'm sad that this has happened to me. I sad that I'm hurting so much. Most of all though I'm relieved to be feeling this way because it means I've stopped hating myself so much.
I've started to hate him a little bit, all along I've felt nothing but fear towards him, now I'm starting to hate him. I want him to feel just a bit of the pain I feel every day. I want him to tell me why he did this, why he didn't listen. Why didn't he let me leave. I want to look him in the eye and tell him what this has done to me...as if he'd care.
When I start to feel better I will do everything in my power to raise awareness and to speak out, if I can prevent one girl from going through what I'm going through by raising awareness then it will be soooo worth it. I'm looking forward to the day when I have healed enough to speak out. I am not ashamed.
Your blog is already making a difference. You are a remarkable and strong person. What happened to you was not your fault but telling your story helps raise awareness for so many other young women who may be reading this.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your bravery.
Appreciate you bloggingg this
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