Will I always feel this way? Will I always hate myself for this. I feel like I should be the one on trial. I'm an awful person. Did I really deserve all this????
Monday, March 14, 2011
I was drunk when it happened
I was drunk when it happened and I hate myself for it. I thought I could trust him, he was a friend of a friend. I hate myself for putting myself in a vulnerable situation. Aaaaah, why did I have to be so stupid. No wonder I blame myself. No matter what anyone says I shouldn't have put myself in that situation.
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A rapist is the only one to blame for a rape. You are not the only one who has ever let themselves be vulnerable with someone they trusted. It happens to women everyday. And its so sad that women are so confused that they blame themselves.
ReplyDeleteYou need to believe that you deserve better than what has happened to you.
Thanks Simone that means alot.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your rapist made the decision to rape you. You don't have control over other people's actions no matter if you're drunk or sober.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if victims' tendency to blame themselves is a sort of defense mechanism. Maybe the idea that you have no control over the actions of rapists is even more difficult to reconcile than the idea that if you'd only done something different it wouldn't have happened. There's also certainly a lot of cultural reinforcement of the *false* idea that rape is preventable on the victims' side. If that was the case, rape would never happen.
You are not to blame for another person's actions. You were the one whose trust was betrayed. It probably wouldn't have mattered whether you were drinking or not. A man who rapes isn't a man at all. Rape isn't about sex. It is always about power and control. The rape was not your fault. Blaming yourself doesn't help. It wasn't your fault.
ReplyDeleteEven if a person dances naked and drunk down the road, they he/she does not deserved to be raped.
ReplyDeleteThis is what I struggle so much with, too. I have driven myself nuts for years over the fact that I was stupidly intoxicated the night it happened. It's so hard to believe sometimes, but the fact is, that is the only thing we are responsible for.
ReplyDeleteYes, we chose to drink that night. We were only looking to have a good time. Perhaps drinking isn't the most healthy and wholesome of ways to seek fun, but it is much less blameworthy than hurting another individual by taking advantage of them in the worst possible way. Our actions - drinking - led to us getting drunk. Our perpetrator's actions led to us getting raped.
Although it hurts so much, the blame belongs with them, not us. We do not feel so terrible due to something we did - had it not been for THEIR actions, we would have never had to deal with all this emotional baggage.
I can totally relate to all of the self-blame. It sucks. Thinking of you and sending you strength.