I'm a little overwhelmed at the support, encouragement and kind words of this who have read my blog and have left such supportive and genuinely helpful advice. It's helped me to reach out to those close to me and tell them how low I am and get the support I so desperately need right now. Before this happened I used to think of rape as this awful thing and hoped that it would never happen to me but it's only when it happens that you realise just how destroying it can be. I can't put in to words how much I despise myself right now however, I do know that I need to stop thinking that way about myself. Hopefully my therapist will help me see things differently someday. I feel very undeserving of the support I have received from so many people that I don't even know but at the same time I am incredibly touched and it has lifted me enough to hold on and keep trying to heal, I really want my power back. I want to be free from these thoughts, I never used to be like this and it's so sad who I have become.
Some day I will be different, some day I will feel like I deserve better than the way I have been treated. Someday I will have the life I dreamed of. Someday I will be a survivor and a thriver, someday I will do something good out of all this horror and change the way things are in Ireland, someday things will be better. Some day I will love myself again.
http://www.dailystrength.org/people/315893
ReplyDeletesorry,i didn't know if i posted my journal blog the proper way above,just want you to know that you are not alone in your journey,we share the same pains and hurts..good luck:)
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy that you're a little perkier! Keep going. The support you feel is love from so many others who know how you feel, we've been there.
ReplyDeleteHere's some things I think you should do:
1/. Build a 'Phone a Friend' list of people you know will listen when you need to talk.
2/. Call them whenever you feel down, even if they say nothing you get to express your feelings. Stopping abuse, and healing, starts with talking about it.
3/. Put the number of The Samaritans somewhere close to hand. When all else fails call them. They are fabulous from my many experiences.
4/. When you wake up in the morning say "It was not my fault" and then say "Today I will work at being more positive than yesterday". It is work!
5/. Surround yourself with only positive people. Cut yourself off from anybody who is judging you.
6/. Find a way to laugh! Especially at yourself! Embrace your life, we're all special!
Hugs,
Andrew
Yes, to everything that Andrew said. Just take it one day at a time and if that is too much just one hour at a time. If you are like me and prefer emailing to calling people, do an email list of people you trust and then use it. Reach out to someone who can care about you and love you until you can love yourself again. Believe me when I say that one day it will happen. Just hold on until then. Don't hold it all in. Talk about it as often as you can. Get the hurt and the anger outside of your body. You can survive this.
ReplyDeletePatricia and Andrew are so right! The most important thing for me has always been communication, to not feel isolated and alone. Of course that is what he wanted me to feel. To continue to give him the victory, even after 35 years, makes me hate myself. Communicating with someone else, even about the most mundane thing re-empowers you. Just keep reaching out. You will start to feel better soon. Brad
ReplyDeleteGuys, thanks so much, I've used some of your suggestions, much appreciated. The world is full of caring people, thanks for reminding me.
ReplyDelete