Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Saying the word 'rape'

I haven't written anything in a while. I usually wait until I feel the urge to get something off my chest. I've been doing well recently. I'm functioning, I'm going to work and dealing with the day to day. Every now and again I just get an overwhelming sense of sadness, I got it today and it's the first time in a couple of weeks so I suppose I should be grateful for that.

Last week in therapy was the first time that I said the word rape in reference to myself. Normally when I talk about it I say something like 'when what happened happened' or something but I've never been able to say the words rape when referring to me. Even typing it now is hard.

I feel quite emotional today, I don't know why, this whole experience is such a rollercoaster.
I read something today on the RCNI's website, there was a walk organised and it was called 'Walk a mile in her shoes' and it struck a chord with me. If only people who judge and blame the victim ie. me could walk a mile in my shoes. If only my rapist could walk a mile in my shoes, would he be sorry for what he did to me then? Wishful thinking.

1 comment:

  1. I think its wonderful you are doing so well! and i am so pleased you are only experiencing this overwhelming sadness every couple of weeks, its a huge leap from feeling it every second of every day, i think this demonstrates the progress you are making.

    Im also incredibly proud of you for using the world rape in relation to yourself. I myself am still not at this stage yet, i can say when referring to issues surrounding rape, and i can type the word (altho admittedly i feel my heart rate go into overdrive) but i cannot use it in a sentence with myself. I know how difficult this is and again it shows how far you have come.

    I have heard of the 'Walk a mile in her shoes' i think its a great cause and i often wonder the same thing. I truly wish your rapist would be sorry, unfortunately I'm not sure they even have a conscience.

    Thinking of you!