Friday, April 22, 2011

A day in the life - a good day

A day in the life of someone trying to overcome. This is a good day today. Nightmares last night, they weren't too bad. Woke up, very groggy from the medication. It takes a while to feel awake. First thought that comes in to my head is what happened. Well it's more of a feeling. You wake up every day with what feels like 10 tons of pressure on your chest with no way of easing it. Anyways, I force myself to get up, get dressed and eat something. I do. I wonder if today is going to be the day that I crack. I feel like that every day but maybe I won't crack at all. I try to figure out what I'm going to do for the day to keep me occupied. I'm not able for much. I clean my room and potter around the house. I check my emails. I think about it all the time, every second. Whether I'm doing something or not.

I gage how I am, am I able for being around people today? Yes, ok I call to my sisters and have tea. Back home, alone with my thoughts. Thinking about what I would be doing if this hadn't of happened.

If this hadn't of happened I would be in work, managing my team. Doing a good job as I've always done, working through some project that I would have started. I loved it.

My friends are coming home for the weekend. I'll have to meet up with them. Their lives are continuing on as normal. Mine isn't. Time has stopped for me, it's hard to see life move on for other people. It hasn't for me.

God, and this is a good day. How depressing.


  1. Thank you for reaching out to me on my blog today. Please keep reaching out to me and to others who have been through the healing process that you have ahead of you.

    Please, please allow yourself to feel the grief and to cry the tears that you need to. As I tell you that, I know it is exactly what I need to do myself. I know how it is so much easier to say that you need to cry and grieve than it is to allow yourself to actually feel and do the grieving.

    Just know that you don't have to do this alone. I know that it is so easy to isolate yourself. Please don't. Even when you just don't feel like being around people, surround yourself with loving people who allow you to be what you feel like being today. Tell them how you are feeling.

    Don't hold all of the pain inside. Go and read my other blog posts on Forgiveness. They don't preach that you have to forgive because you don't. They talk about the process. They talk about forgiving yourself first - forgive yourself for thinking that you could have done something to prevent the rape. You really couldn't or you would have. We don't know what's going to happen before it happens. Forgive yourself for blaming yourself for the rape. The reasons for the rape had nothing to do with you. The rape was about your abuser and his sick, raging thoughts that made him believe it is okay to rape any woman just because he wants to.

    I don't know if any of this helps you to feel better but I am following my heart in saying these things to you. Please do what is necessary to take care of yourself and to eventually heal. Believe me when I say you will eventually heal. You are in the hardest part right now.

  2. Hi
    My name is Cathal and I am a writer for a national newspaper and I read your blog here and your tweets online.
    The whole story is incredibly sad and extremely honest.
    I was hoping to write an anonymous piece about your blogs and experience if you were willing to let me do this.
    I didn't know how else to contact you.
    Can you please contact me in confidence on

  3. I won't go into my whole story but if it helps at all, I know just how you feel. It takes a long time; longer than you think it will at the beginning. It gets better, I promise. You're not alone, you know that now. You know, I had days that I DID crack. It's okay, because you come back. Sometimes cracking's the best thing you can do. You can do it. xx

  4. Patricia, thanks so much for what you wrote, I'm having a bit of a bad day so I don't have many words but what you said really did mean alot to me and I really really appreciate your support. It makes things a little easier to bare knowing that there are people out there that I will never know who care about how I am so thank you so much.

  5. Hi Kamala, thanks so much for the words of encouragement xx