Back to real life

I'm back at in my own place, back in work. The weekend with my family was exactly what I needed. I have had a couple of days where I haven't been too bad and it's a huge relief. Also with that is the guilt of having a good day because I feel like I don't deserve to have one. I know logically this is crazy but I can't help thinking this way. I need to get my head on straight! I hate how much I hate myself and who I've turned into. Being this new vulnerable, scared, self loathing person is so alien to me, I'm used to being bubbly and happy but instead I am now this other person who I don't know and don't like.