Thursday, February 24, 2011

not coping

I've had to take more time off work because im not coping. Im so fucking sick of this shit. I want to get myself back and Im doing everything I can why else would I be writing this blog, so I can get what's in my head out but nothing seems to be helping.

I cant even cry, nearly 7 months on and I cant even cry. I know there are so many emotions buried deep deep down but I cant seem to get to them.

Im so few up and im so afraid that I wont be able for work. Ive worked really hard to build my career and im so afraid that I wont be able for work anymore and its all I have left. I actually have nothing else and if he takes that from me too then im afraid of what that will do to me.

1 comment:

  1. Please don't give up. I hope you didn't give up this 'battle to overcoming this crime'. It is beyond hard to deal with. Reading your entry & knowing a year ago I would not have known about any of this as there was no need to-then it strikes & a whole world is opening up, a world where so many have been affected by this crime. I can relate to this & you have to find inner strength to continue, to not allow him to control your life. He cannot take anything away from you, it will happen only if you let it. I can totally get where you are coming from totally. Therapy helps to deal with those inner buried emotions & helps you to help yourself overcome this crime as it can destroy. I don't have the answers as it is all new to me, but I know that he is not going to stop me from living my life. He knew I had just qualified, worked hard like you & he did this knowing it would destroy me plain & simple. Knowing that makes me more determine not to let him win. He has no control. However, the feeling that scares me seems to be like what you describe. It is like you feel the time will come where you will just crumble & not be able to cope at all permanently. Feel like it is there hovering over you. Hope you made it- All the best