Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Today is nearly over. I will be a rape victim over 6 months when today is over. I don't know why but I'm finding the 6 month's mark very hard. It's like a milestone. All I feel is sad because nothing is getting better, I'm still as in as much pain and feel as much despair as I did last week or last month. I feel so lost and alone, my whole being is consumed. Now I know this is rape. It's not just the act it's what follows, it's like a virus that infects your heart, soul and mind, and it's contagious and infects everyone close to you and when you look into their eyes you can see that they are looking back at the shell of a person they used to know. I don't blame them, I see the same when I look in the mirror. Who am I now, what am I now, who will I become. I was never much of a fan of the old me but I wish I was her again. I wonder when you go from being a rape victim to a rape survivor. Will I always feel like a victim?