I'm quite upset tonight. I'm not tearful as I'm still not able to cry I just feel upset and I wish I had someone to talk to, someone who understands. Someone here beside me to give me a gentle safe hug and tell me that everything is going to be ok. I know I'm very lucky to have the support that I do but tonight I just want to be comforted like a child. I feel very alone and struggling to find my breath. I'm doing breathing exercises to try and help it but today is the kind of day that I resent having to do it because before this happened to me I would never of had this panic feeling and so would not need to do any breathing exercises.
I wonder does that mean that I'm going to get angry soon. That would be good, maybe that would mean that I might stop blaming myself although I can't ever see that happening. I wish my Mammy was here. I feel so alone and so so afraid.
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