They see me now

I posted yesterday about an email that I had sent to my support network, the response was a bit mixed. Most thought it was great and I got some great responses, some were a little upset by it. I meant for it to be a check in, to say honestly here is how I am. Anyways, it's done now. But they all see me now, how I really am. It's out there and I'm afraid. I'm afraid that they will not like the real me. I'm scared that they will get sick of me. I'm scared that they will walk away from me. I'm scared of getting hurt even more I've left myself wide open. I don't know if I could take much more, I still feel like I'm at the brink and one more thing could push me over the edge.

I know my sisters are looking for this blog but they'll never find it!! Maybe some day I'll show them, when I'm better.

Yesterday I was full of good energy, peoples support on this blog helped me to go... right! do something to help yourself today but today I'm back down in the dumps. I'm not as bad as I was but I just can't seem to get out of bed. I swear I used to be a fun person, sensitive but fun. I would crack jokes and have a laugh, I didn't always whine this much!

One of my favourate sayings before this was 'life doesn't throw you anything you can't handle' what a load of crap. Life throws loads of people stuff they can't handle! If I try and think positively what would help make today better, get out of bed, face the day, what was it that Andrew told me to say yesterday - It was not my fault, today I will work on being more positive than yesterday.

It was not my fault, today I will work on being more positive than yesterday. It is work.
Today I will WORK on being more positive than yesterday.

I have to work on it. Right get out of this bed girl, this is not your life, this is not who you are.
Today I will work on being more positive than yesterday.