Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Therapy Homework

I had therapy today, thank god, although I was feeling so sorry for myself that I didn't want to go. I went anyway and we spoke about what a crappy week I've had and that I was feeling angry and low. I find it hard to get my head around the fact that he has gotten away with it. I wish I could look him in the eye and say - you did this to me and it was not ok. She tried putting a cushion on the chair and pretending it was him but I just couldn't get the words out, number one I was scared and number two I felt pretty stupid talking to a cushion! So she asked me to write a letter to him. I like the idea but where do you start?! I've a feeling it'g going to be full of foul language etc. Not an easy exercise but something I really need to do I think......

4 comments:

  1. A letter is a great idea, you have a lot to be angry and upset about,not to mention the trauma. Try writng down several different thoughts and feeling and it will come, my thoughts are with you :)

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  2. This actually works for a lot of people. It has worked for me. Anger has permission to come out on paper without hurting anyone. I say that in reference to your comment about foul language.
    What was done to you was foul. The anger that faces the act of rape and the perpetrator will probably foul.
    Getting the poison out with pen/pencil and paper or word documents, allows the pus of the wound to be released and gets into the core of the sore places that is left for you to deal with.
    I agree with Mother4justice, starting writing, baby girl and see what happens. It may bring tears, maybe even the need to beat the bed with a pillow, etc.
    You may even start out by saying, "I don't know where to start. . . I don't know what to write. . . this feels weird, etc. However, stick with it. Keep going. The emotions will begin to flow.

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  3. Thanks both you guys, I'm actually looking forward to getting some of the stuff I'd like to say to him out. I'll make a start tomorrow and we'll take it from there.

    Thanks for the support x

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  4. My therapist is always trying to make me talk to empty chairs and things. I hate it! First like you said, I feel scared or intimidated or upset and then secondarily I feel stupid. And then because I can't do it I feel even stupider. (Yes, I'm saying 'stupider'). I can't even talk to a flipping empty seat? No, actually, I can't. I've written him a few letters, but I still never have truly written all of the feelings and things I want to say. I just can't. It's too much.

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