Thursday, June 2, 2011

10 months today

Today it is 10 months since it happened. I got to be honest I've been avoiding and hiding from all reminders of  what happened to me. I haven't wanted to face all the pain again since I came back from holidays but I guess to truly heal you have to face the pain head on. I had a counselling session today it was actually very positive. I'm learning to be kinder to myself and to look after myself a bit better.

Sometimes I still think, did this really happen to me? Sometimes it's still hard to believe. At the moment he is abroad at university but I'm worried now that summer is here that he will be back in the area and I'm so so afraid of bumping into him. The thought of it just paralysis me with fear.

I also found out another unbelievably disgusting thing about our justice system. I was speaking with a solicitor who is an advisor with the RCC in Dublin. I told her that I had appealed the DPP's decision not to prosecute and I wanted to know how long it would be before I heard anything. She informed me that basically that if they change their decision they will let you know but that it would take several months, she also said that if they stuck to their original decision which I'm sure they will then they will not respond to me. So basically the victim writes to them to appeal and if they change their minds they'll let you know but if they don't then they will not even bother to respond to your letter to tell you the outcome. I can't believe it, what an absolute joke. I'm here checking the mail every day to see if there is a letter from them which will probably never come. How absolutely insensitive and cruel.

So all in all I'm feeling pretty crappy. This time 10 months ago my life as I knew it ended.


  1. Hang in there. I'm on your side.

  2. "to truly heal you have to face the pain head on"

    Yes, you do, but you don't have to do it every day. Some days, you haven't got the strength, and that's ok. Deal with it when you can, and when you can't, just go shopping or to the movies or hang out with your friends.

    The healing will come in time, no need to rush. Try to be happy for just one hour. You deserve that!


  3. You wrote, "I'm learning to be kinder to myself..."
    I smiled and looked back at your first few posts when you beat yourself up pretty darn hard.

    It doesn't mean you won't go back there occasionally. What it does mean is that you are doing well in working through this.

    Hang in there.

  4. I read this nice quote today which i want to share with you

    "When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long"

    You've made it 10 months!! Do not look back and feel sadness, look forwards and feel accomplishment. Your doing brilliantly, so keep holding on!


  5. I can't believe it. You know you find things sometimes just exactly when you need them? Our stories are very different but they are both about being violated. I have had alot of problems with feeling sexually violated as well, although I was not forced- I was tricked. Our anniversaries are almost identical as well. My 10 month anniversary was June 3rd and it prompted me to try and persue prosecuting him. I have so desperately looked for someone else like me that would understand this, maybe this is won't be it, but maybe it will. Already I feel less alone...