Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Triggered Today

For some reason today some of the events of that night keep flashing in my mind, more so than on other days, and I was doing so well and all, had a really nice few days just being normal with my friends grrr. Certain aspects   of the rape and some of the things that he did to me keep coming into my mind, it's making me feel panicky and scared. I can't stop thinking about him either, where is he? Is he back in the country? What if I bump into him? Part of me wants to so I can scream at him and punch him but that probably wouldn't happen, I'd probably just freeze.

The flashes are very vivid, more so than any I've had before. This must be a new part of it. I wonder if this is normal. It probably is. He hurt me alot, for over 2 hours. I couldn't get him to stop. Bastard. I hope he rots in hell. Never felt anger like this before. At least it's anger at him this time and not myself. Bastard. The things he did to me. Bastard.

Sorry if my language offends.

3 comments:

  1. Its Ok to be angry (((hugs))) m4j

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  2. Mother4justice is right. Anger is part of the grief and healing. Let it be what it is.

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  3. I hear you...and I think it's normal to be angry too. I was kidnapped and held for six months and raped. I blamed myself. I hated me for letting it happen. How stupid was I. I couldn't stop it from happening but yet I blamed myself. Stay strong okay. It gets easier.

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