Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Almost 12 whole months since...

I never thought I'd see the day when it would be 12 months since it happened. Well it will be 12 months this Saturday night. My stomach is sick at the thought of it. I can't wait for it to be over so I can put the last hurdle behind me. At the same time I'm not looking forward to it, obviously! I know I'm going to be upset but you have to allow yourself them days too.

I can barely remember the last 12 months it's just a blur. It's like trying to remember a dream or something. Time has gone by so fast. What an unbelievably horrible, painful, heartbreaking, life changing, traumatic year it's been. But you know what I'm still here, I'm still standing, I'm making it through.

As difficult as this year has been I also know that it's important to acknowledge how much I have gone through and how far I feel I have come. It's been an uphill struggle but I've done it and I'm starting to come through the other side and for that I'm proud.

I wonder does he realize what this weekend is?

There are a couple of songs that come in to my head. One for the sad part of me for all that's gone on (Alanis Morrisette -Mary Jane) and one for the part of me that is proud of myself for how far I've come (M People - Moving on Up).


  1. It is good to hear that you are moving forward after such horrible trauma. You are still here and that is truly an accomplishment to take pride in. Take care.

  2. Wow! I find it amazing that even this troubling post...its still all about positivity! Sure you state you know how hard it will be and yet you continue to acknowledge, that your still here, your still surviving, your 'moving on up'! I think this is brilliant, your doing so well in your healing!

    As you know i haven't reached my one year yet....and i have an idea as to how you are feeling, im still trying to convince myself that this whole thing is a lie, let alone the on year anni. Reading this is inspirational to me and i am so very proud of you!

    Well Done!
    P.S Alanis kicks ass!!

  3. I came across your blog in a google search. This Sunday will be the one year anniversary since I was raped. It has been on my mind a lot the past month, but it has only just occurred to me to look up anniversaries on the internet - I'm not sure why, but I'm surprised and relieved that this is something that other people think about and mark. I've just spent the past forty minutes or so reading through your blog posts from the past few years. It's an immeasurable help. One of your comments about going 'from being a mess of a person not able to function in normal life to now being a mess of a person able to function in normal life' has completely struck the nail on the head for me. You're completely right in saying that we don't appreciate the extent of the act until it happens to us, and I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that this means few people in my life will truly be able to empathise, fully understand, or say the right things to me. It's incredibly reassuring to read your blog and to know that there's a community of empathy out there, a support network which exists in spirit for everyone. So thank you so much for your blog, and well done for carrying on despite everything.
    Wishing you love and support,