I haven't written in a while, there's been a lot going on with getting back into the routine of going to work. I'm wrecked! But it's good to be back and I'm enjoying being there. I'm so happy that I'm reacting so positively to being back at work there are a lot of painful memories there so it's good that I can still do a good job.
It will be a year since it happened the weekend after next. Some people can't understand why I would let this affect me. I can't understand how they don't see that of course it would affect me. I mean it will be 12 months and the whole weekend I'm going to be thinking this time last year....I don't want to think this way but I can't help it. I'll be ok but it will be tough, that's it. Just let me be upset and then I'll get over it and continue moving on. It's frustrating. How can I not think about what happened and how much my life has changed and how angry I am that his life hasn't been affected at all? I can't just switch off the feelings, if only I could but I can't, it's a process. It takes time and hard work but I'm doing it so give me a break!
I can hardly remember this past year, it's like trying to remember a dream. It's only now that I am starting to deal with all that I've been through from what happened to reporting it to the DPP's decision. All these huge moments in my life that I have yet to completely process and am only starting to get the strength now through therapy to do it.
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