Monday, July 4, 2011

Speaking Out

For a long time now as I go through this long difficult battle of healing from my rape I have thought about speaking out publicly about my rape. It's something that I feel strongly about and want to do in the right forum and for the right reasons. The reasons I would like to do this is firstly for me, the DPP decided not to prosecute my rape and therefore there is no road to justice for me. Speaking out will be my way of sticking my fingers up at my rapist and saying f*** you, you did this to me but I survived, I am surviving. Part of me would like him and  his family to see it so they would have some idea of what it has done to me. The other reason I would like to speak out is because I would hope that it would help other victims of sexual assault. I feel let down by my justice system and I feel that as a society people need to understand just how devastating this crime is, until more awareness is raised then this devastating crime will not be treated properly.

It's a sad fact that society tend to blame the victim, maybe this is the reason why it's so hard to get a case to go to trial in Ireland, because it's so hard to get a conviction. I don't know but from what I've researched it certainly feels that way to me.

The only way that I can see to combat this is for victims of rape to speak out and tell their stories. Maybe this way society will get more of an insight in to what the reality of a rape victim life really is. It's not pretty, it's not nice to hear but try going through it!

The more I think about it the more I feel that it's important for me to speak out, to publicly say, this was what happened to me, this is what I have experienced and this is how it's affected my life. I also think, well why shouldn't I, after all, it's his shame not mine. a rape victim in Ireland, how do I share my story publicly and get people to listen??? I haven't a clue!


  1. Part of me wants to tell you to go for it, say whatever you want to say, whenever and wherever you feel like it! But part of me wants to tell you to be careful, as you know rape is not treated right by society in general so sharing it can sometimes be regretable. I made myself a target by talking about it in the wrong places to the wrong people. But on the internet I think your safe, you can always claim insanity..go grrrl (but be careful!) :-)

  2. Hey, thanks for that. I hear you, I'm in no rush to do it but if I felt it would serve a purpose then I would given the right forum. I agree, you would need to be very careful about it!

  3. I love how similar we are, i feel exactly the same way!

    After an MP here - Ken clarke - made some disgusting comments about rape, i wrote to a bunch of newspapers stating how outrageous it was, about my experience and the legal system, 2 have gotten back to me asking if i will publicly speak out and waive my right to anonymity. One side of me really wants to do it, the other side is terrfied of the backlash or if the story is presented incorrectly etc.

    I have found out that my local rape crisis centre has a media lady who can come with me to meet the reporter and lay out terms to ensure i am fully safe and it is all done correctly. I am wondering if you could find the same thing in ireland?

    I have no idea if i will do the story, a lot of people think its a bad idea, but im not going to 'dish the dirt' and write all the gory details of what happened. I just want to talk about how its affected me, soicuetys prejudices and misconceptions and the god awful legal system and my shamefull treatment by the CPS.

    Basically i want to talk about every you do too! Lol i have to laugh everytime i find something new similar between us!

    Please let me know if you do do anything, i would be interested.


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  5. i no how u guys feel. my mom,stepmom, sister ect. many people in my family were i no????.....well lets just say i do..i wrote a poem on these type of encounters..
    .......that nite was a great was over
    we were having fun..and the children spending the was laying in the bed and my cousin was laying with me..he started off askin me those would you ever questions..then truth or dare... me an my cousin were twins...but sadly not anymore..he started to pushin his hands off only to let his other hand come in..then im pushin both of them off..he way stonger then me.. he pins both my hands to the bed.. im laying flat on my back on the bed .. i sayin stop.. you no this is rape rite??..he kkeps goin..only to try n take off my pants with his we both no it didnt work he puts his hands around my neck.. n all my attention goes toward breathin while one hand is taking off my pants.. perfect plan he thought of, an i was playing rite into his hands.. so now i hav nothing on the bottom half of me.. he puts his fingers inside of me , an its hurts cuz im dry,,but he goin, n im sayin ouch dat hurts, but that doesnt matter , hes not playin into my distraction but for his own satisfaction...IM SRRY I CNT CONTIUE .WAY TO HAHRD IM NOT READY TO TELL MY STORY YET..PLZ FORGIVE ME GOD CUZ I LET DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.. I STOP FIGHTING ,IT DIDNT MATTER ANYMORE..I CNT LIVE LIKE THIS EVERYTIME SOMEOME TOUCHES ME THE WAY HE DID I JUMP..IF I HAVE SEX N MY BF TOUCH MY BACK OR MY STOMACHE..I FALL OUT IN TEARS..N MY BF DNT UNDERSTAND WHY..IM SO SRRY.. I JUST CANT.. I HAVE NO CHOICE ,,IM SO SO SO SORRY!!

  6. Hi there, firstly I want to say I'm so sorry this happened to you, for your cousin to betray your trust like that is just unbelievable, my dad betrayed my trust I was 9yrs old I remember it was around Christmas time because I was doing my homework at the kitchen table cutting out angels from pink cardboard paper, he came up to me and told me to go to my room I remember asking why cause I had done nothing wrong, my brother was watching TV he was 7yrs old, I went to my room he came in asked me to take my clothes off I wouldn't so he did, he used baby oil it hurt like you wouldn't believe. Every Tuesday I endured this for 3 long years when it eventually came out it didn't just affect me my brother was very bitter he hated me for years he said I was lying and that killed me cause we were close my dad liked his booze and he would beat into my brother and I what ever was lying around the house that he could get his hands on wasn't always his fist, so when it came out welfare was involved I was sent to my grandmas to live my brother was 10 when he tried to kill himself he started getting flash backs of me screaming out for help.
    Couple yrs passed and I was able to go back home live with my parents and my brother again, I gotta tell ya it's the scariest thing I was petrified out of my mind,my dad kept his distance from me my brother threatened to kill me in my sleep kept saying I'm lying, to cut a long story short I'm alive to tell you this there was to other occasions in my life were I was almost raped again when I was a teenager drinking to drown my sorrows, my mum was raped when she was young my dad was gang raped when he was a teenager, just know your not alone, I didnt get justice it went to court when it all came out I lost because I was to scared to speak,my dad celebrated with his dad with a carton a beer. To all you lawyers out there that defend perpetrators you should be ashamed of yourselves there's not enough money in this world that could make me want to help them get away with it, I really hope you write again soon to let us know your ok your not alone. Ps sometimes if my husband touches me in certain areas I tend to freeze up a little, praying helps if it's ok with you I'd like to pray for you and everyone else also, God bless you all.