Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I found him

I find it hard to type the R word. I still can't say that it happened to me. Anyway, the guy who did this to me we'll call him Freddy well he was a person I had just met. A friend of a friend and for some reason I can't seem to remember his face very clearly. When it first happened we were trying to get as much information on him as possible so myself and my family would do internet searches on him. We were never able to find any information on him. He has no facebook or anything like that. I'm sure everyone else stopped searching for him but I never stopped.

I kind of became obsessed with googling his name every other day to see if I could find him. I found a couple of bits around his college work but couldn't find anything else until today. Today I found a photo of him and can finally see his face clearly. He's real, he exists. I clicked on a page tonight and a picture of him popped up. Right there in my face. I'll never forget his eyes they have haunted my dreams. I don't know how to feel but somehow it makes him more real. I don't know whether that's a good think or a bad thing.


  1. It must be really hard.

    I hear you dear...

  2. Oh my.

    I can't imagine how it must have felt, seeing his face. Back in december i made the mistake of looking on my perps facebook, i saw he was now in a relationship. It really affected me, how he could move on in his life and be happy and i was in this right mess. I was worried about his new girlfriend not knowing who he really is. It really upset me. I soon learned no good can come from looking for him.

    I know struggle constantly to not type is name in facebook, its so hard!! But i can not see his face, it will literally kill me. I have to be so strong to not do it, but i completely understand why you would have the obsession of trying to locate him online. I am just sorry you found him :(

    Unfortunately...he is real. Maybe it is something we all need to learn to accept. It's just so hard.

    Thinking of you! and i hope you dont google him or look at this photo again, i don't believe it is healthy!


  3. I totally can relate with your last line - it makes him feel more real..

    A part of me wanted to find his picture and i'm not sure why either. As mentioned in the comment by Miss Pinks, it definately isnt healthy and prob doesnt make you feel better afterwards unfortunately.