Saturday, July 2, 2011

11 Months since it happened

It's now 11 months since it happened. This is the last big one before we hit the year mark. I can barely remember the last 11 months. It all feels like some really long nightmare. I wish it was. I found out that my rapist is living the life, well for some. It makes me so mad. I can't believe it's almost a year. I've been off work for the last 3 months. I start back on Wednesday, I am petrified. What if I go back and I find I still can't cope with it. It's not like I can take another 3 months off. It will be the end of the road. I have a lot to prove to myself and those I work with. It's a lot of pressure, another battle. Maybe if I just lie down it will all go away.


  1. Hey I was wondering if you have tried talking to a therapist or counselor. I'm not sure if this is a stupid question because I have not read every post only this one and the beginning of the letter to your rapist. i am so sorry that this has happened to you and it is okay and completely normal for you to feel the way you do! I am honestly happy to hear that you still have your job but I know that is not what you want to hear right now. I'm also wondering if you have tried connecting with a rape victim advocate in your area or a legal advocate. It is such a shame when people like this get away with so much without a consequence to them although they have forever altered a person's life. In my eyes it's like murder and they should be punished for it just like any other crime. I look forward to following you and hopefully my response did not sound insensitive I'm just awkward when it comes to talking to people I don't know or that don't know me and might snap once they read what I have written. I hope I did not come off insensitive in any way because I am not insensitive to sexual abuse and the effects it has on its victims/survivors. I do want to applaud you for writing about it and sharing your feelings with others. I also want to applaud you for trying to take legal action, that was very brave of you. You're such a brave individual and I truly do admire what you're doing and have done. I believe that people like this does not get away with what they have done because of the God I serve. I have learned to forgive rapists but it does not means that God will not punish them for what they have done. You cannot defile someone's body and something that does not belong to you and get away with it. I do hope and pray that you find your healing and a way to live past this. please forgive me if this response sounds insensitive or not what you wanted to hear in any way. I do sincerely apologize! I will be saying a prayer for you!

  2. I hear the pain and anxiety. I am very sorry you are going through this. Maybe your job can serve as a diversion. If you do not have a support group, please try to find one. After many years, I finally got the courage to go to a group and it has really made a big difference for me. You receive so much love and understanding in a group and that helps us heal.
    Take care and please keep writing...that is healing also.

  3. Hi Kay,

    Thanks for your supportive words, I am seeing a very good therapist at the moment for the last few months and we are working on me healing from my rape. There are no words to describe how difficult this journey is but I find writing about my experience helps me. I'm glad you have faith in a God and I'm happy you feel you can forgive rapists. I personally don't believe in God but I do believe in humanity. I believe in being the best person I can be, I think in order to receive forgiveness you should be sorry for the wrong you did, my rapist isn't so therefore will never have my forgiveness.

    Thanks for taking the time to read my blog and for writing a lovely supportive comment.

    Take care,


    Hi Interruption,

    Yes I'm hoping that going back to work will help me get back into a routine and take my mind off things. My therapy is going well but I'm finding it tough at the moment. Thanks for the lovely words.

    Lizzie x

  4. Sorry for today. Sorry he is living the life.

    Its all so unfair

    Where is the justice?